On my way to the prayer room this morning, I was thinking on everything God has done and is doing in our lives and in the lives of our friends. I was also recalling all the prophetic words that have been spoken since we got up here, especially the ones from the night before. (We went to the prophecy room) Now I’m not sharing this to brag so please bear with me. But the word that was given was that God was pleased with my faith and that I have done well in preparing myself. God also knows that I trust Him and that He knows that He can trust me. So as I was thinking on this, I heard God ask me, “You trust me with your life and with Maira’s life, but what about your kids?” Now I was not even thinking about the miscarriage, but out of my mouth came such hurt and anger and I yelled, “!!!!!BECAUSE I TRUSTED YOU WITH THE FIRST ONE AND LOOK HOW THAT TURNED OUT!!!! !!!!!I WAITED ON YOU TO COME THROUGH AND YOU DIDN’T!!!!!! SO HOW CAN I TRUST YOU WITH THE TWO THAT I HAVE NOW!!!!” I began crying. And in the most tender voice I have ever heard He answered, “I have so much more mercy than you give me credit for, so much more love than you give me credit for.”
Now earlier in the week I had been feeling like something was in my way of letting go completely. And at chapel my D-group leader (discipleship group leader) was praying and said that God was showing him that there was a bolder on my back and that it was a burden that I was not meant to carry. So I prayed that whatever it was God would take it from me. The block in my heart was removed I felt it fall off, but the burden was still there. I didn’t know what it was. Until God asked me why I didn’t trust Him with my kids. Now many of you have heard me say, “If it wasn’t for the kids, this move to K.C. would not be a big deal.”
Now God has me right where He wants me. I am in a position right now that anything and everything that God wants to do, I’m saying yes to. I am not holding anything back. So I surrendered and gave it to God. Because I do trust Him, and when I surrendered that burden was lifted. Now God didn’t give me an answer as to why the miscarriage happened, but when He spoke to me about His mercy I felt His love for me and my family. I have already come to terms with the fact that I may never find out why but, I didn’t realize that I was holding on to that bitterness until God placed His finger on it. I encourage you to pray that the Lord will just flood your life, and allow Him to work. He is gentle and loving. Ask Him to reveal any obstacles between you and Him. The results may surprise you.
I just want to encourage you guys to keep writing these. This is what I meant when I wrote in the book before ya'll left. Go back and read that. This will not only sustain your immediate family, and give those who are reading it sustenance, but for those who come later. You are an Abraham. Your descendants will be many, for sure, but that is not what I am referring to. And picking up and moving to a new place on faith is not it either, though it certainly is part of it. I think you are like Abraham, in that when Yĕhovah commanded you, you obeyed. You have trusted in Him and we see that. These testimonies from you are as real as the Word. They feed us. They give examples of how Yĕhovah yireh commands that you withhold nothing, not even your son, your only son; and how God still is true to that name. They give us hope and assurance when we are unsure that He will keep us from drowning when we really are over our heads ( http://www.metrolyrics.com/close-of-autumn-lyrics-caedmons-call.html ). That is the song I thought of while reading your last post. Anyway, we have record of Abraham's struggles and how God used them to glorify Himself. The Jews knew the stories well. They sat around, and I reckon they still do, and retold the stories over and over to each other and to their children and grand-children. It gave them an identity. "Abraham is our father". The words you write and keep for posterity will give your people an identity. A history of their ancestors and a heritage to draw upon when they wonder who they are and who God is in their lives. who knows, you may one day give Christians a new name of God! Wouldn't THAT be cool! So, what I'm trying to say is, keep up the good work. It has inspired me to change my own life and ways of doing things. I love you, and every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God. I always pray for you, and I make my requests with a heart full of joy because you have been my partners in spreading the Good News about Christ from the time you first heard it until now. And I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again.
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