Be Still and Know …….

On the last Sunday of January, we were all sick, coughing, snotty the whole nine yards.  I still had to go to school the next day, so we put the kids in our room so we can have the humidifier going for Maira and the kids and I slept on the couch so when my alarm went off I wouldn’t wake anyone.  While laying there, I was really being attacked, especially every time I heard the kids or Maira cough.  “What kind of a dad would leave a perfectly good job with insurance?  Now the kids are sick and you can’t even take them to the doctor!  What kind of dad are you?  Look at what you’ve done!”  That’s all that kept going through my head.  I was praying that God would heal them, but it felt like the more I prayed the more they coughed.  On top of that, I was sick.  So I felt lousy, I’m praying for my family to get better, plus I was trying to fight off the guilt of not having insurance and on top of that we had no money!  I started to get angry with God, but then I realized what was going on and started to pray against the lies.  I finally start to fall asleep, when I see some one walk up to me.  It was dark, so all I saw was the silhouette of a man.  I was just about to get up when He got right over me, put His finger on my chest over my heart (when He did this I was pinned to the couch and could barely open my eyes.  It felt like a boulder was on my chest), and said, “You better put Me in the center of your life because you’re in for a bumpy ride.”  Then He left, and I jump off the couch and was trying to make sense of what just happened!  I couldn’t figure out if it was a dream or if that really happened.  Then I just brushed it off as another attack.  I think it was because I was tired and wasn’t having a great night, that I ignored the message.

The next day I get home, Isaiah’s face is swollen, and he has hives on his face and body.  We had to take him to the hospital because none of the pediatricians would see him right away because he wasn’t an existing patient.  He gets checked out, we get his meds and go home.  Then the first of the month arrives, we have no money, and on top of that the bank decided to withdraw $100 from us so that puts us in the negative.  Then our realtor calls and says that we will be $300 dollars short after the closing is all done.  The feeling of “This is it!  It’s all going to fall apart right here!” was coming over me.  Then the vision came to mind and I told Maira about it and said, “Maybe I should start taking that message seriously!?!”  Then she responded, “Ah, ya think!”  Oh yeah besides the rent, hospital bill, and closing costs we also needed money for gas, groceries, phone bill, my student loan,  tuition, utilities and other stuff.

On Thursday, February 3^rd, I go to the prayer room, and I’m asking God, “What am I suppose to do?”  When I get home, UPS delivers the closing paperwork for the house in Arkansas.  Our realtor had told us that we needed to get it notarized.  So, I check with the school, they had no notary.  We go to our bank and they don’t notarize closings.  We go to the UPS store and they notarize but it costs $2.00 per signature.  Mind you, there are 8 pages and 2 signatures on each page.  Making it $16-$20 for the notary.  So, I start to get angry at God again.  I’m telling God, “You knew this was coming.  Why haven’t you provided money?  You knew we would need money for this and we have nothing.  Not to mention we are running low on gas and we have no gas money.”  So we head home to see if we can round up enough change to pay for the notary.  On the way home, Maira tells me to stop at this local bank that we are passing.  She goes in and asks if they do notaries for closings and what’s the charge.  They say yes we do, and they charge $2.00 for the whole thing.  We go home and get $3.00 in change and go back.  We sit down and begin to sign the paperwork in front of her.  We hand it over to her to notarize and as she goes over the paperwork, she finds a sticky note that says that the company in Arkansas will notarize it and all we have to do is send a copy of our driver’s licenses.  She makes a copy for us for FREE.  And we go back to the UPS store to mail it.  On the way there, I have my tail tucked between my legs and say, “Hey God,…… uhhh……… sorry for getting angry……. Ok bye.”  We get there; they had to print off a shipping label for us.  They charged $1.20, which we had.  All I could do was laugh at myself because I felt pretty dumb.

Friday morning, I’m in the prayer room again, still feeling stressed even though I knew God wanted me to wait.  As I was praying, I tell the Lord that I am surrendering to the process because I know that the outcome is so much better than the process.  And that my faith will be strengthened.  I go to D-group, and after the class was done, someone comes up to me and says, “God has a word for you”.  “That the pressure you’re feeling is…. I have you on a catapult and I just turned the crank.  Keep making me your center because it’s not over yet.  You’re in training.”  There was more to the word but that was the confirmation of my vision.  So, I get home and the low fuel light is on in the car.  We have no money for gas.  Some money had come in earlier in the week but because we were in the negative it ate up that money.  We still had to go out to the night services and do groceries.  So I just prayed, God you see we need gas.  Either multiply the gas or supply money so I can get gas.  We had enough to make it to the Friday night service.  That afternoon, I checked the mail.  There was a check in the mail that was enough for us to get gas and someone wired money to us.  We deposited that money ASAP and had enough money to put gas in the car and for groceries. 

On Monday, February 7, I call the property manager to tell her we were going to be late with the rent.  (I just didn’t know how late)  So of course, she tells me that if we don’t pay we will be evicted by the 15^th.  I told her that I understood.  We did our income taxes and saw that we will be getting a good amount of money back.  I call the property manager to tell her that we will be getting some money within 2 days to pay the rent.  (We looked at our bank statements from last year and it showed that we got the state income tax within 2 days)  Then Maira checks the status on the income tax and it says that it is still pending.  They won’t process it until after the 14^th!  We decide to wait a couple of days to see if maybe money will come from somewhere else.

Wednesday, I’m just praying hard.  I send Maira a text saying, “Hey call Harvest and ask them if they can help us out with rent and that we will pay them back when our income tax comes in”  Then God got a hold of me and said, “No, you’re going to wait.  Text her back and tell her not to call.”  Well, I figured if I ignore God long enough then Maira would call.  Yes I know, very dumb!  Cause then it hit me, #1, I need to be obedient because I don’t want to rob myself of a lesson or a blessing.  #2, God isn’t bound by my cell phone.  If I don’t do it, He will.  So I sent her another text, telling her never mind don’t call.  And I just begin to cry.  I keep asking God for guidance, “God!  What is going on?  What am I suppose to do?  Is there someone I’m supposed to talk to?”  Then it dawned on me, first God asks me if I trust Him with my kids, then He tells me to put Him center because it’s going to get bumpy.  So then I calmed down and realized again for the umphteenth time that He is not surprised by our situations!  He knew what was coming, He was prepping me before I got to this point

Thursday, February 10th, I go to the prayer room, and I’m asking God, “what am I suppose to do?”  and all I get is “Wait”  I text Maira and tell her what God told me and she said that she had a dream, and in the dream God told her to, “Be still and know that I am God.”  So I just tell God, You’re telling us to wait, so I will wait.

Friday, I get a call from the property manager.  She asks about the situation.  I tell her about the income tax situation and she says, “You have to get more sponsors.  She will give us until the end of the month and if we don’t pay the rent we will be evicted.”  That was our breaking point.  We just did not understand why God had not supplied the money yet.  We were praying and asking God, “What’s the delay?  What’s the problem?  What is it that we need to do to get the money here? I need more than just wait.”  We tried to regain our composure because we were scaring the kids.  Even though we had peace internally, we were freaking out.  We went to service that night and we cried our eyes out surrendering to the Lord.  Saturday, I woke up numb.  Just unsure of what was going to happen to us.  I knew that God was in control, I had a peace within me that if we ended up being evicted, it was ok with me because God still sits on the throne.  I no longer doubt if we are suppose to be here.  I just had a peace but I felt numb (this feeling is hard to explain, so just accept my explanation). 

Monday, February 14, I’m in the prayer room again and they were singing, I’ve got a joy like a river and here I am crying like a baby.  I didn’t have any joy, I was trying to hold on to the peace that God had given me.  When I went into the prophecy room, part of the prophetic word that was given, was that God was saying, “I’m the one in control.  I’m training you.  So don’t grow weary, You have caught on quickly to what the lesson is.  Continue to learn the lesson.”  After hearing that, my strength was renewed.  Even though I knew this, hearing it from someone outside our situation, who doesn’t know what’s going on, to confirm this, just really renewed my strength.  God is the one in control and no one else.  God is the one who decides where we will live, when and where we will go.  And because of this process, even though He has not provided for rent and everything else I mentioned yet.  God has revealed His goodness, His mercy, His kindness, and His love.  It’s strange, I know.  But God doesn’t work according to our logic. 

I’ve been praying, that God would tear down all the strongholds in my life that create a false view of who He is.  In 2 Corinthians 10:5 it says, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”  I can’t explain how, but God has used this process to strip me and I have surrendered and He has begun to pull out all these false views and ideas of who He is.  God wants our gaze to be on Him.  He wants to capture our gaze.  Because once our gaze is on Him, then we find out who He is, in turn finding out who we are.  These arguments that set themselves up against “THE KNOWLEDGE” (this knowledge is not a head knowledge, this is a revelation of the heart) of who God is, come from either life experiences or role models that have treated us incorrectly in some way, shape, or form.  Without us realizing it, they cause us to view God in this light.  This is exactly where the enemy wants to keep us.  Satan does not want us to know who God really is or what His true nature is because he knows that when we find out the true nature of God, we find out who we are and become dangerous to him.  In Ephesians 2:6-7 it says, that God has seated us in heavenly places.  The scriptures also say, that we are co-heirs with Jesus (Romans 8:17), giving us the same authority that Jesus has, but we don’t operate in it.  Because we don’t know who we are yet.  

In Exodus 34:5-7 it says, “  ⁵ Then the LORD came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the LORD. ⁶ And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, ⁷ maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.”  Now before I continue, let me explain this.  In John 1 it says, that in the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God.  Of course, we know He’s talking about Jesus.  Jesus is the Word.  In Gen 1 in the creation story, when God thought, “let there be light”, the Word (Jesus) spoke it and the Spirit caused it to manifest.  So, when Jesus came to us in the frame of a man, everything He did and said were the thoughts of God, because Jesus was the Word.  Words articulate our thought.  Jesus is the articulation of God’s thoughts.  You can see this when Jesus said, (John 5:19, 12:49) everything I see my Father do, I do and everything I hear my Father say, I say.  So when Jesus was being beaten and crucified, it was the Father telling us, “I would much rather kill myself than destroy the whole world.”  Now seeing the very thoughts of God in front of us and the very nature of God living among us, we can understand who God is.  Jesus said, If you see me then you have seen the father (John14).  This is the same God from the Old Testament.  By God telling us in our situation to BE STILL and KNOW THAT I AM GOD (Psalm 46:10),   He was really telling us to stop and find out who we are IN HIM.  Because again, by finding out who God is, we find out who we are. (IN HIM)

God truly revealed himself to me today, blowing my mind.  Not a full revelation, but he gave me a glimpse.  We have heard it said, if you are too earthly minded then you are no heavenly good, and if you are too heavenly minded, then you are no earthly good.  When we say this phrase, we have a certain type of people in mind.  But there is something wrong with this phrase.  We need to be heavenly minded or we will not be any earthly good.  In John 3:13 it says, “No one has ascended to heaven but He who came down from heaven, that is, the Son of Man who is in heaven.”  In this Scripture Jesus is telling Nicodemus, I live in two realms.  I live in the heavenly places and in the earthly places.  Because Jesus was heavenly minded.  Scripture tells us to think on things above (Colossians 3).  To realize that through Christ, we have freedom to enter the throne room of God.  Because when we are heavenly minded we will know what the Father is saying and what the Father is doing.  We must live in two realms just as Jesus did.  When we pray we should have confidence that we can get near to Him and embrace Him.  And know that we belong before Him because of what Christ did for us.  Instead, we approach God with the attitude of, “Do I have the right to stand this close to you and to speak so freely?”  This is a stronghold!  The enemy wants us to think that we can’t approach God with Christ’s authority.  Scripture says, that Jesus has imputed his righteousness unto us (2 Corinthians 5:21).  So when God looks at us, those that have accepted His gift of mercy (His crucifixion), He sees Jesus.

This is where God blew my mind today!   In John 13:31-38, Jesus is telling the disciples that He will only be with them a little while longer and that where He is going they cannot go with them.  Peter jumps up and asks where is he going?  Jesus told him, where I am going you can’t follow me right now.  But soon you will be able to follow.  Peter then asks, why can’t I follow now?  I will do anything.  I will even lay down my life for you. (When Peter said this, it was almost as if he had a mindset of wherever Jesus is going, he wants the cream of the crop.  I have to outdo everybody else.  If someone gives $200, I’ll give $500.)  Because he was telling Jesus, Pick me!  I will even die for you.  But Jesus looked at him and says, “will you really?  Before the nights over you will betray me.”  In Luke 22, Jesus tells Peter that the enemy has asked to sift his soul like wheat.  In Luke 22: 32 Jesus says to him, “But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.”  In John 14, He tells him not to lose heart, because where I am going there are many rooms.  There is enough room for everyone; you don’t have to fight to try to get in.  I’m coming back to get all of you.  And when Jesus told Peter that he has prayed for him, it’s almost as if he said don’t hang yourself like Judas did.  Because on the most important night of human history, Peter’s own resolve was not enough when the pressure was on.  The 3 years of seeing miracles, hearing Jesus speak and live was not enough to sustain him.  Because he did not know who he was.  The disciples did not realize who the Father was.  In John 14, Thomas asked Jesus to let them see the Father and then they would believe.  Jesus responds, if you have seen me then you have seen my Father.  After Peter had betrayed Jesus, He looks over, sees Jesus looking at him, feels destroyed, and condemns himself.  But because Jesus prayed for him he did not go and hang himself like Judas did.  After Jesus died and was buried, all of Peter’s dreams, theologies, all that he thought he was, was gone.  Because HE FAILED; he failed Jesus, he failed his brothers.  He didn’t know what else to do.  In John 21, he decides to go back to his old ways, fishing.  And when they see Jesus on the shore, Peter goes out to him.  Jesus has food ready and says, let’s have breakfast.  And when Jesus asked, do you still love me more than these?  Peter, do you still agape me more than the other disciples?  Peter says, yes Lord, I do love (phileo-brotherly love) you.  He felt hurt, because he felt that he had failed Jesus and that he did not deserve his love.  Three times Jesus asked him.  The third time when Peter said, I do Love You.  Jesus said, Now you can follow me.  Jesus had to first blow up Peter’s world.  He thought he could outdo everybody else and that Jesus would pick him because of his good deeds.  But Jesus first had to tear him down to show him that he is not self sufficient.  He is not self sustaining, his theologies, religion would not sustain him in the hour of darkness.  And at his lowest point is when God gets in his face and says, “Will you let me love you here”.  And it’s the same with us.  When we fail, we immediately go back to the old ways of dealing with our guilt, we beat ourselves up and say we are not deserving of God’s love.  We wait for God to punish us.  The story of the prodigal son, is not just a story of a backslidden Christian, it’s our story.  Here the son has failed and he feels that he deserves nothing more than to be a slave in the Father’s house.  But in this parable, it’s more of a Father that wastes everything for his children.  We can see 5 characters of the Father in this story.  While the son was a long way off the Father saw him.  So this means that He was looking for him.  Then He saw him and ran out to him, He embraces him and kisses him and puts new clothes on him.  It’s in our weakest moment when we have failed and feel like we deserve nothing more than slavery and God says, “Will you let me love you here?”  And He waits for our weak reach.  Or some of us are like the other son, we do everything right, and try to please God through our works.  Then complain to God, why don’t you bless me?  Or give me anything?  When the Father is standing there saying, just like your brother has access to everything, you have access to everything I possess.  Peter had a fear that we all have.  A fear of separation from God, fear of not being accepted.  That’s why he felt he had to say something that outdid everyone else.  The prodigal son also had the same fear that he would not be accepted and that the only way the Father would receive him was if he offered himself as a slave.  Scripture says, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).  And the Father longs to restore us and love us when we’re ugly. 

In John 4:18 it says, “There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”  Which brings me back to strongholds. Fear is a stronghold.  Fear of being rejected and fear of not being accepted are all strongholds.  These things give us a false view of God.  These strongholds hold back the love of God in our lives.  They keep us from experiencing the love of God firsthand in our lives.  We can picture it as the love of the Father being floodwaters.  And the strongholds as dams.  The dams will only collapse to the extent that we agree with the Word of God.  If we believe half the truth then you are only half free.  When we agree completely with all the truths of God’s Word and speak them into our own life, then over time these strongholds collapse.  It was in this that God made me realize, there is nothing I can do.  There is nothing I can do to earn His love or cause Him to reject me.  I had a fear that every time I failed, God was going to let us fall flat on our faces.  Because when rent was not supplied,  I felt like this was it!  This is where it all falls apart and it’s my fault.  I accused myself of being a terrible father.  Because I quit a job that paid well, had great benefits and now I can’t supply for my children.  And I also believed because of my schoolwork I was not spending enough time with them.  And because of school and the lack of friendships I was a terrible husband.  Through this process, God opened my eyes to the strongholds.  And made me realize that I have taken my family and am running straight into the heart of God.  And there is nothing more liberating than experiencing the true nature of God and discovering His love for us.  And I know this process is not over.  There is still more God wants to do.  There isn’t any amount of work that we can do to earn the love of God.  We can do all the church work we want and all evangelizing we want.  Thinking God will notice us and that our works will please Him.  But we forget the story of Mary and Martha (Luke10).  Martha was not wrong in what she was doing.  But Jesus wanted intimacy.  We see it all throughout the parables.  For example, the ten virgins, the five wise virgins, were wise because they cultivated intimacy with God.  So when the hour of darkness came they had the oil of intimacy to keep their flames going.  And when they went to meet the Bridegroom, their faces were illuminated by the flames of the intimacy they had cultivated.  He recognized them, He had a history with them, and He knew who they were.  But the five foolish virgins had not cultivated that intimacy.  Which is why He didn’t know them, couldn’t see their faces, He didn’t’ know their voices.  He didn’t have a history with them.  It’s like Jesus said, there will be many that say, we have done so many works in your name and He will say I never knew you (Matt 7:21-23).  Which is why, it’s so important that we cultivate that intimacy.  To STOP, and BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD.  Find out who I am through intimate relationship with me.  And then the strongholds will collapse and then you will know who you are IN ME.  So I still continue to pray that I may decrease that He may increase in my life.  And God let me be so submersed in you, in the KNOWLEDGE of you that I would no longer exist.

Oh, before I forget!  God took care of the $300 for the closing cost.  I don’t know how, but our realtor told us not to worry about it, it had been taken care of.  Also, the bank returned the money they withdrew!  GOD IS IN CONTROL!

Hidden Obstacles

On my way to the prayer room this morning, I was thinking on everything God has done and is doing in our lives and in the lives of our friends.  I was also recalling all the prophetic words that have been spoken since we got up here, especially the ones from the night before.  (We went to the prophecy room)  Now I’m not sharing this to brag so please bear with me.  But the word that was given was that God was pleased with my faith and that I have done well in preparing myself.  God also knows that I trust Him and that He knows that He can trust me.  So as I was thinking on this, I heard God ask me, “You trust me with your life and with Maira’s life, but what about your kids?”  Now I was not even thinking about the miscarriage, but out of my mouth came such hurt and anger and I yelled, “!!!!!BECAUSE I TRUSTED YOU WITH THE FIRST ONE AND LOOK HOW THAT TURNED OUT!!!!  !!!!!I WAITED ON YOU TO COME THROUGH AND YOU DIDN’T!!!!!! SO HOW CAN I TRUST YOU WITH THE TWO THAT I HAVE NOW!!!!”  I began crying.  And in the most tender voice I have ever heard He answered, “I have so much more mercy than you give me credit for, so much more love than you give me credit for.” 

 Now earlier in the week I had been feeling like something was in my way of letting go completely.  And at chapel my D-group leader (discipleship group leader) was praying and said that God was showing him that there was a bolder on my back and that it was a burden that I was not meant to carry.  So I prayed that whatever it was God would take it from me. The block in my heart was removed I felt it fall off, but the burden was still there.  I didn’t know what it was.  Until God asked me why I didn’t trust Him with my kids.  Now many of you have heard me say, “If it wasn’t for the kids, this move to K.C. would not be a big deal.” 

 

Now God has me right where He wants me.  I am in a position right now that anything and everything that God wants to do, I’m saying yes to.  I am not holding anything back.  So I surrendered and gave it to God.  Because I do trust Him, and when I surrendered that burden was lifted.  Now God didn’t give me an answer as to why the miscarriage happened, but when He spoke to me about His mercy I felt His love for me and my family. I have already come to terms with the fact that I may never find out why but, I didn’t realize that I was holding on to that bitterness until God placed His finger on it.  I encourage you to pray that the Lord will just flood your life, and allow Him to work.  He is gentle and loving.  Ask Him to reveal any obstacles between you and Him.  The results may surprise you.    

Safety Net!!!

Maira’s Account:

Thursday, January 13, 2011, Eli starts orientation today.  He got up at 6:30AM to take the trash out to the curb and to get ready for his day.  He was very jittery.  Wondering when and how school was going to be paid.  So I got up about 7:45 and just began the day.  We got ready to go to drop Eli off at school.  Before we left, we prayed and then headed out.  I dropped Eli off and went off to Wal-Mart to get some groceries.  While I’m there, Eli calls asking what to do about the tuition.  Do we pay half and get on a payment plan or not pay at all and him not start school.  We had been praying about this all week.  So as I’m in the meat section, I stopped and prayed with Eli over the phone.  We prayed for clear direction.  Honestly, I didn’t know what to do.  I thought I knew what needed to be done but didn’t want to say it.  I was afraid.  We had exactly 1045.00 in the bank leftover from the donations that had been given last month including $150 given this month.  Half of the tuition was about $900.  So I continue on shopping and looking for the best buys and praying for Eli. Then Eli texts me saying….

Eli’s Account:

After giving up the $50 at the Onething conference, we had a lot of things to take care of.  Such as; getting the garbage service set up, all the utilities switched over to our name, and several other things that we needed to get for the house.  All of the things we were buying were necessities, but money was being spent nonetheless.  By the end of the week, we only had $1000 left in the bank.  I was stressed to say the least.  I was praying and praying that God would provide the money for tuition because I didn’t want to go below $1000, it was my safety net. 

So Thursday the 13^th of January had arrived!  It was time to go to orientation.  I woke up early to put the trash out and pray.  I prayed the whole way to school.  When I get there we had a meet and greet, then it was time to go and pay tuition.  I sit down with one of the women there from payroll, (the whole time praying) and she asked me, “are you able to pay the full amount?”  I told her “no, I can’t.”  Then she asked, “Well how about half?  It would be $950.”  I answered, “No, I can’t do that either.”  So she said, “Tell me, what’s your situation?”  I said, “Well, I have two kids, a pregnant wife, and only $1000 in the bank.”  So she sent me over to financial services.  I get on line and call Maira.  “We have to pray for God to do something because I’m here waiting for money to fall out of the sky or something!  I need guidance!”  So I asked Maira to pray.  After she prayed, I hung up and felt God say, “ I provided the money already, you have $1000 in the bank.  Pay the $950.”  I immediately said to God that, I didn’t want to have to choose between tuition and my kids.  Again, I felt God say, “Pay the $950.”  So I said, ok God if this is you I’m going to send Maira a text and if she tells me to do it.  Then I will do it.  Otherwise, I’m not doing anything.  So I sent her a text saying….

 

Eli: What do you feel right now that I should do?

Maira: I want to just say pay half but I’m not sure if that’God. Saying it very hesitantly. Cause I am scared.

Eli: That’s Confirmation

Maira: How much is half?  

Eli: $950

Maira: K I will only buy the necessary for this week then.

Maira: Pray I’m freaking out!

Eli: Me too

Maira: But I have peace. Do you?

Eli: Yes, very weird

Maira: Yes LOL!

Maira’s Account:

I cried at Wal-mart as I respond to Eli’s text.  I finish texting Eli and then I look at the cart and think what can I put back.  Everything I have in here are all necessary items.  I put back the rolls of paper towels and exchanged 2.5 dozen eggs for just the 1 dozen.  I checked out and came under budget.  This was great!  On my way home, I felt like the $1,000 were just a safety net for us.  And how could we completely trust God knowing that if God didn’t come through we had that there.  That’s not real trust.  I called Jean and spoke with her a bit and then went home checked our bank account.  We had $6.80 left in our account.  Eli’s books had to be bought Saturday; we had a little more than ¼ tank of gas.  We had enough food for about a week and a half.  So all we had now was to trust God.

I went to the IHOP Consecration Charge Service and stayed a bit longer than the worship.  But because the kids were making too much noise and Eli was getting frustrated.  I went home, gave the kids a bath, and just waited at home until Eli called to tell us to pick him up.  I was very disappointed that I had to leave.  It was nice to have some adult conversation while at the service.  So we pick Eli up and he shares a prophetic word that was given to him…

Friday:  Eli goes back to school for orientation and I stayed home cleaning the house and just spending the day with the kids.  The day goes by and I put the kids down for a nap.  Lisi wakes up from her nap about 3:15 and I get her out of her crib and then I get the mail.  I’m expecting a letter from Cheryl with Eli’s last paycheck in it from Falcon Jet.  I sat down and opened a letter from a friend.  She sent an awesome encouraging letter along with stamps.  I was down to one stamp and had no money to buy any more.  Then I opened the envelope and saw the electric bill from Conway and then there were 2 letters from Falcon Jet.  I assumed that one of them was a W-2 Form for taxes.  I opened them both at the same time.  When I looked, there were 2 checks and another dear friend had sent a check.  Altogether, we had about $700 and stamps!!!  PRAISE GOD!!!

Eli’s Account:

So I sat down with another lady and she asked if I was able to pay the $950.  I told her, Yes I can (the funny thing is, is that the lady I told that I could not pay the $950 was right next to me.  I was waiting for her to say something to me.  But she didn’t.).  After I paid, I called Maira to let her know I had paid the tuition. Then she told me, we only have $6.00 in the bank.  The day continues on with orientation and Wes Hall was discussing curriculum.  He stops in the middle of the overview and says, “If you are here strictly to learn and discuss theology then please go somewhere else.  Because we want God to first and foremost ravage your heart.  And the Holy Spirit has free reign to do what he wants when He wants, and if that means class is interrupted then so be it.”  Not long after he said that, God showed up and began to minister to the class.  Then the entire class including myself were just a mess of snot and tears on the floor.  There were two prophetic words given later on in the day at the Consecration Service. (Note:  we have NOT shared our story with anyone!)  Part of one of the words given were:  “God, says that he is pleased with the leap of faith that you have taken.  And to know that you are my son and I am your father and I provide for my children.  I did not bring you out here to drop you.”  

So the next day, I get up early again and I pray.  God, if you are going to provide, we only have $6.00 in the bank, there are bills coming, and I have to buy books on Saturday.  Please give me guidance, open my eyes and ears, to know what You want me to do.  I went to school. The head of the educational staff sat down to speak with me, just to get to know who I was.  He asked, “ so were those your kids here last night?”  “Yes, and I apologize for the noise they were making.”  I replied.  “No, no, I just wanted to let you know that your family is always welcome here.  Your wife didn’t have to leave.  If anyone ever gives you problems about your kids just let me know and I will take care of it.” He said. So I called Maira to let her know.  After sitting in a class discussing “taxes” (the government now considers us missionaries. So we had to learn how to do our taxes as such… x.x), I meet a man by the name of Rob.  He has the same story as I do.  He left his job of 17years to go to school with a family (wife and 4 kids).  I got a hold of him later on and told him I need to hear his story.  He told me he still lives by faith, that God is awesome to provide and gave me his e-mail.  By this time it’s 3:00 and I have to go over to the prayer room. On my way there, Maira was calling, calling and texting to call back.  When I call back, She’s crying and I’m asking what’s wrong?  She says, You have money for books!  I respond, “What do you mean?  What happened?”  She says, $700 came in the mail!  I was just floored and stunned.  God is awesome!  Now I’m just excited to face the rest of the year, knowing God didn’t bring me out here to drop me!

The Beginning

Monday, December 27, 2010:  As most of you know we moved from Conway, Arkansas to Missouri.  After a long drive, we finally arrived at the house that we told the realtor, Andre we would take.  We arrive at about 10:00pm and it is NOT what we expected.  The floors in the house we torn up, the walls had holes with poor repairs,  the vents were not covered, there were tack strips for carpet that were still installed, the bathroom had not been clean in who knows how long, and the person living previously in the house had a pet and there were clumps of animal hair everywhere.  This was NOT safe at all for the kids.  We began to feel discouraged and we prayed, “God, if this is what You have for us.  Then so be it! Just deal with our hearts because we don’t like it.” After a long discussion, and fearing, that we would not be able to get a hotel because of the conference that was going on.  We decided to spend one night.   So Ii went to get the mattresses out of the truck, while out I heard gunshots down the street.  And that was the final straw for us.  We called John to pray with us.  He suggested that we get a hotel.  He was in agreement with us.  I called and found a rooml at the Holiday Inn Express.  They gave us an executive suite for $100.  By the time we got to the hotel it was about 1:00AM.

Tuesday:  We decided to go to the Prayer to spend time with the Lord.  We needed direction!  We had to return the moving truck early Friday morning.  On our way to the prayer room, Andre called me, I told him that the house was not safe for the kids and it just wasn’t going to work.  He apologized and told me, he would keep searching.  He had no idea the house was that bad.  We arrived at the prayer room, asking God for direction.  We spent 3 hours there.  God just gave us peace and pointed out our kids to us.  Saying, Look at them and how much fun they are having.  They’re acting as if they’re on vacation.  They’re not scared because they know they’re with you.  So you do the same and know that I am with you and have fun.  After that we had peace that everything was going to be fine.  The trip turned around and became fun.  While in the prayer room, Ii get a phone call from another realtor, Donna.  She tells me she has a house for rent.  I just told her that I would talk it over with my wife before giving any answers.  We went back to the hotel and got the same room for the same rate.

Wednesday: I woke up feeling anxious.  I was anxious because it was Wednesday and I was still driving around this 26 foot diesel truck with our stuff in it (btw, there was no padlock on the truck, anyone could have taken our things while we were away).  We checked out of the hotel again and then went to check out the house and the neighborhood.  As we were checking out the house, Donna called and asked if we were interested.  I told her that yes we would like to see it.  She gave us the combination to the lock box because she would not be able to make it out to show it to us.  So we went in and the kids begin to run around the house as if they lived there.  Isaiah begins to claim his own room.  He said, “Daddy, Isaiah’s room!”  Then he went on and said, “Daddy, this house!”  He went on to pick out everyone else’s room. Btw, he picked out the room that was bigger than Lisi’s. LOL!  We called Donna and told her we would take the house.  She says, “Excellent, I just need to ask a few questions.”  She asked the typical questions like, Have you ever rented or owned a home?  Then she asked, “What kind of income do you have?” To which I said, “uhh,  yeah about that.” I explain some of the situation to her.  About how we are living by faith and so on…  She then said, “You do realize that you have to pay rent?”  I respond, “Yes, I’m aware of that.”  So she says, “ I have to get a hold of the landlord (Donna is the property manager and the landlord is a missionary in another country).  I will have to e-mail him and he won’t respond until 4 or 5 this evening because of the time difference.” Donna had run a credit check and because of the lack of income it had come back declined.   So we went back to the hotel and booked the room for another night.  We headed off to the prayer room.  I was feeling anxious because of the income issue.  While praying,I get a phone call from Donna.  She says, that the landlord is willing to take the risk and he wanted us to understand that we were responsible for all the bills. I said, I’m aware of that.  Then we went out to dinner with a friend from Jersey whom we had not seen in over 10 years.

Thursday:  We check out of the hotel, in which they only charged us $83.00 for the night.  The price for an executive suite is usually about $150 - $200.  Especially because we were there during the holiday season.  Praise God! We then go and meet with Donna at about 11:30AM.  She sits down and begins to say again, you realize you need to pay the bills right? I told her again that yes I’m aware of that.  She goes on to say, that they’ve had many people come and say that God had told them to live by faith and within short period of time, everything falls apart and the family is torn apart.  I explained to her, that I have  had an entire year to think, fast and pray about this.  This isn’t a decision I made yesterday. I told her that the month of January was taken care of.  She asks, well, how do you plan on paying for the next month? I said, you’re asking the wrong person because this is not my idea.  All I know is that this is where God has us for right now.  And if I ever have to choose between tuition or my kids, I’m choosing my kids.  She wanted to know if our church was supportive of us and I told her yes.  So she says, “It’s the landlords risk not ours.” So we signed the papers for the lease, got all the utilities transferred over to our name and we moved in.  John and Jean pulled up at the Glad Heart realty.  They told Maira, how none of the seminars being taught at the OneThing Conference appealed to them.  They were asking God then why are we here.  John says, to Maira, God told him they were here for us.  John, Jean, Nikki, and Sarah helped us move in.  Andre showed up later on that evening to help unload the heavy items.  So, we spent our first night in the new house!

Friday:  We returned the truck in the morning and spent the day unpacking.  We went to the New Year’s Eve Worship Service at the OneThing Conference.  During the service, Mike Bickle begins to speak about how they needed to raise money for the expenses of the conference.  They needed about $300,000 more.  I  just kind of tuned him out.  But when he said, we’re going to pass the buckets around. I heard God say, “take the remaining cash in your pocket and place it in the bucket.” I  had about $40 or $50  in my pocket.   I began arguing with God and told him that was for food.  God brought to memory the note I had written “what is your focus?”  And asked me, “Do you provide or do I?”  I answered, “at this point God you do.”  God responds and says, “then put the money in the bucket.” So I leans over to Maira and tell her, “ I think God wants me to put all the cash in the bucket and I don’t like it.”  Maira responds, “If that is what God is telling you to do, then do it.”  So I take the money out and didn’t wait.  I got up and put it in the bucket.  I didn’t want to sit there and think about what I was about to do.  When I sat back down, I began to cry, asking myself, “what did I just do?”  Lisi came up and asked, “Daddy k?”  She began wiping my tears with her hands.  Then she went to the diaper bag and got wipes out and climbed into my lap and wiped my tears with the wipe.  After the service was done, we went home and I just kept saying, “I did it, but I don’t like it!”

Saturday:  Waking up again saying the same thing “I did it, but I don’t like it!”  We continue unpacking.  I tell some friends about what happened the night before.  They laughed and said, "that's  funny because God told me to give you this good thing you were obedient.  They gave us a total of $200.

Sunday: …..SABBATH!!! 

Transitions

Well, our house was placed on the market for sale in October.  Eli and I spent most of the end of September, decluttering the house and getting the house projects done.  Eli had been praying as to whom to use as our realtor.  At the end of September, he felt like he needed to call Re/Max.  So, he called them and set an appointment.  The realtor, Jan Barrows came over one evening and it just so happens (Divine Connections) she is a follower of Jesus Christ.  She figured some numbers and we signed a contract.  Between October and December, things seemed to be at a standstill.  We still heard the word, “GO” within our spirits, but had no idea how that would happen.  Since September, I was no longer working and Eli was on furlough (days that you are laid off) for 2 days one week and then working a full 6 days the next week.  We had just enough each week.  Also, during the year the Lord had us specifically sowing into different people.  So, we had no savings.  We just had to rely on the Lord for this move.  So here we are waiting and waiting to see how the Lord will provide for this one.  Praying and fasting.  Fasting and praying for the Lord to move.  Praying that our house would sell so we could save some money for the move and have enough that would last us the year.  At least this is what we were praying but still saying, “However you want to do this God.  We don’t want to tie Your hands.”  

 December rolls around and we make reservations for a hotel for a week and for the moving truck.  Eli is stressing more and more about how the money was going to come.  By now, He’s only working 3 days one week still and then just a regular 40 hour week the next.  Also because, he was not going to continue on with the company, they cut his overtime and did not retro pay the raise that he would have gotten in November.  On Saturday, December 18, Eli didn’t sleep at all.  He was half-asleep and praying the whole night, “God these aren’t exactly favorable conditions that I want to leave in!  We don’t have any money for the truck or for food when we get up there!”  God responds, “Do you think that the seas were in favorable conditions when I called Peter to walk on water.”  We were one week away from December 27, which was our moving date, and nothing had happened.  We get up early the next morning for church.  We had a great time in worship.  The kids had fallen asleep during the worship and Lisi woke up during the message.  So I went out of the sanctuary and placed her in the Nursery.  I spoke with Jean a bit and then Cheryl comes and tells me that I’m wanted in the sanctuary.  I walk in the sanctuary and Eli and Isaiah are standing in front of everyone.  Pastor Tim was calling us up to pray for us and just to make it known that we were there for only one more week.  Also that Harvest Church would be collecting an offering for us to help with the moving expenses.  HOW AWESOME IS GOD!  After the church prayed,  we hugged many of our dearest friends and cried also.  We were saying good-bye to great people.  Some people placed money in our pockets as they hugged us.  We got home and I immediately called my mom with tears of joy.  I told her how God was providing the way to move to Kansas City through our church.  I had counted about $150.  When I hung up the phone, Eli is standing there with a shocked look on his face.  He was cleaning out the diaper bag and found a red envelope.  He figured it was just another Christmas card.  He opened it to see who it was from.  As he opens it, he sees $500 cash all in $100 dollar bills, no name as to who gave, just addressed to “The Morell Family” on the envelope.  I just cried as to how the Lord had begun providing.  We felt like time had stood still for so long.  That now it was just unbelievable as to how quickly He was moving.  The Lord continued to provide through our church family throughout the week.  By December 27^th, we were able to move thanks to the help of our wonderful Harvest Church Family.