Hidden Obstacles

On my way to the prayer room this morning, I was thinking on everything God has done and is doing in our lives and in the lives of our friends.  I was also recalling all the prophetic words that have been spoken since we got up here, especially the ones from the night before.  (We went to the prophecy room)  Now I’m not sharing this to brag so please bear with me.  But the word that was given was that God was pleased with my faith and that I have done well in preparing myself.  God also knows that I trust Him and that He knows that He can trust me.  So as I was thinking on this, I heard God ask me, “You trust me with your life and with Maira’s life, but what about your kids?”  Now I was not even thinking about the miscarriage, but out of my mouth came such hurt and anger and I yelled, “!!!!!BECAUSE I TRUSTED YOU WITH THE FIRST ONE AND LOOK HOW THAT TURNED OUT!!!!  !!!!!I WAITED ON YOU TO COME THROUGH AND YOU DIDN’T!!!!!! SO HOW CAN I TRUST YOU WITH THE TWO THAT I HAVE NOW!!!!”  I began crying.  And in the most tender voice I have ever heard He answered, “I have so much more mercy than you give me credit for, so much more love than you give me credit for.” 

 Now earlier in the week I had been feeling like something was in my way of letting go completely.  And at chapel my D-group leader (discipleship group leader) was praying and said that God was showing him that there was a bolder on my back and that it was a burden that I was not meant to carry.  So I prayed that whatever it was God would take it from me. The block in my heart was removed I felt it fall off, but the burden was still there.  I didn’t know what it was.  Until God asked me why I didn’t trust Him with my kids.  Now many of you have heard me say, “If it wasn’t for the kids, this move to K.C. would not be a big deal.” 

 

Now God has me right where He wants me.  I am in a position right now that anything and everything that God wants to do, I’m saying yes to.  I am not holding anything back.  So I surrendered and gave it to God.  Because I do trust Him, and when I surrendered that burden was lifted.  Now God didn’t give me an answer as to why the miscarriage happened, but when He spoke to me about His mercy I felt His love for me and my family. I have already come to terms with the fact that I may never find out why but, I didn’t realize that I was holding on to that bitterness until God placed His finger on it.  I encourage you to pray that the Lord will just flood your life, and allow Him to work.  He is gentle and loving.  Ask Him to reveal any obstacles between you and Him.  The results may surprise you.    

Safety Net!!!

Maira’s Account:

Thursday, January 13, 2011, Eli starts orientation today.  He got up at 6:30AM to take the trash out to the curb and to get ready for his day.  He was very jittery.  Wondering when and how school was going to be paid.  So I got up about 7:45 and just began the day.  We got ready to go to drop Eli off at school.  Before we left, we prayed and then headed out.  I dropped Eli off and went off to Wal-Mart to get some groceries.  While I’m there, Eli calls asking what to do about the tuition.  Do we pay half and get on a payment plan or not pay at all and him not start school.  We had been praying about this all week.  So as I’m in the meat section, I stopped and prayed with Eli over the phone.  We prayed for clear direction.  Honestly, I didn’t know what to do.  I thought I knew what needed to be done but didn’t want to say it.  I was afraid.  We had exactly 1045.00 in the bank leftover from the donations that had been given last month including $150 given this month.  Half of the tuition was about $900.  So I continue on shopping and looking for the best buys and praying for Eli. Then Eli texts me saying….

Eli’s Account:

After giving up the $50 at the Onething conference, we had a lot of things to take care of.  Such as; getting the garbage service set up, all the utilities switched over to our name, and several other things that we needed to get for the house.  All of the things we were buying were necessities, but money was being spent nonetheless.  By the end of the week, we only had $1000 left in the bank.  I was stressed to say the least.  I was praying and praying that God would provide the money for tuition because I didn’t want to go below $1000, it was my safety net. 

So Thursday the 13^th of January had arrived!  It was time to go to orientation.  I woke up early to put the trash out and pray.  I prayed the whole way to school.  When I get there we had a meet and greet, then it was time to go and pay tuition.  I sit down with one of the women there from payroll, (the whole time praying) and she asked me, “are you able to pay the full amount?”  I told her “no, I can’t.”  Then she asked, “Well how about half?  It would be $950.”  I answered, “No, I can’t do that either.”  So she said, “Tell me, what’s your situation?”  I said, “Well, I have two kids, a pregnant wife, and only $1000 in the bank.”  So she sent me over to financial services.  I get on line and call Maira.  “We have to pray for God to do something because I’m here waiting for money to fall out of the sky or something!  I need guidance!”  So I asked Maira to pray.  After she prayed, I hung up and felt God say, “ I provided the money already, you have $1000 in the bank.  Pay the $950.”  I immediately said to God that, I didn’t want to have to choose between tuition and my kids.  Again, I felt God say, “Pay the $950.”  So I said, ok God if this is you I’m going to send Maira a text and if she tells me to do it.  Then I will do it.  Otherwise, I’m not doing anything.  So I sent her a text saying….

 

Eli: What do you feel right now that I should do?

Maira: I want to just say pay half but I’m not sure if that’God. Saying it very hesitantly. Cause I am scared.

Eli: That’s Confirmation

Maira: How much is half?  

Eli: $950

Maira: K I will only buy the necessary for this week then.

Maira: Pray I’m freaking out!

Eli: Me too

Maira: But I have peace. Do you?

Eli: Yes, very weird

Maira: Yes LOL!

Maira’s Account:

I cried at Wal-mart as I respond to Eli’s text.  I finish texting Eli and then I look at the cart and think what can I put back.  Everything I have in here are all necessary items.  I put back the rolls of paper towels and exchanged 2.5 dozen eggs for just the 1 dozen.  I checked out and came under budget.  This was great!  On my way home, I felt like the $1,000 were just a safety net for us.  And how could we completely trust God knowing that if God didn’t come through we had that there.  That’s not real trust.  I called Jean and spoke with her a bit and then went home checked our bank account.  We had $6.80 left in our account.  Eli’s books had to be bought Saturday; we had a little more than ¼ tank of gas.  We had enough food for about a week and a half.  So all we had now was to trust God.

I went to the IHOP Consecration Charge Service and stayed a bit longer than the worship.  But because the kids were making too much noise and Eli was getting frustrated.  I went home, gave the kids a bath, and just waited at home until Eli called to tell us to pick him up.  I was very disappointed that I had to leave.  It was nice to have some adult conversation while at the service.  So we pick Eli up and he shares a prophetic word that was given to him…

Friday:  Eli goes back to school for orientation and I stayed home cleaning the house and just spending the day with the kids.  The day goes by and I put the kids down for a nap.  Lisi wakes up from her nap about 3:15 and I get her out of her crib and then I get the mail.  I’m expecting a letter from Cheryl with Eli’s last paycheck in it from Falcon Jet.  I sat down and opened a letter from a friend.  She sent an awesome encouraging letter along with stamps.  I was down to one stamp and had no money to buy any more.  Then I opened the envelope and saw the electric bill from Conway and then there were 2 letters from Falcon Jet.  I assumed that one of them was a W-2 Form for taxes.  I opened them both at the same time.  When I looked, there were 2 checks and another dear friend had sent a check.  Altogether, we had about $700 and stamps!!!  PRAISE GOD!!!

Eli’s Account:

So I sat down with another lady and she asked if I was able to pay the $950.  I told her, Yes I can (the funny thing is, is that the lady I told that I could not pay the $950 was right next to me.  I was waiting for her to say something to me.  But she didn’t.).  After I paid, I called Maira to let her know I had paid the tuition. Then she told me, we only have $6.00 in the bank.  The day continues on with orientation and Wes Hall was discussing curriculum.  He stops in the middle of the overview and says, “If you are here strictly to learn and discuss theology then please go somewhere else.  Because we want God to first and foremost ravage your heart.  And the Holy Spirit has free reign to do what he wants when He wants, and if that means class is interrupted then so be it.”  Not long after he said that, God showed up and began to minister to the class.  Then the entire class including myself were just a mess of snot and tears on the floor.  There were two prophetic words given later on in the day at the Consecration Service. (Note:  we have NOT shared our story with anyone!)  Part of one of the words given were:  “God, says that he is pleased with the leap of faith that you have taken.  And to know that you are my son and I am your father and I provide for my children.  I did not bring you out here to drop you.”  

So the next day, I get up early again and I pray.  God, if you are going to provide, we only have $6.00 in the bank, there are bills coming, and I have to buy books on Saturday.  Please give me guidance, open my eyes and ears, to know what You want me to do.  I went to school. The head of the educational staff sat down to speak with me, just to get to know who I was.  He asked, “ so were those your kids here last night?”  “Yes, and I apologize for the noise they were making.”  I replied.  “No, no, I just wanted to let you know that your family is always welcome here.  Your wife didn’t have to leave.  If anyone ever gives you problems about your kids just let me know and I will take care of it.” He said. So I called Maira to let her know.  After sitting in a class discussing “taxes” (the government now considers us missionaries. So we had to learn how to do our taxes as such… x.x), I meet a man by the name of Rob.  He has the same story as I do.  He left his job of 17years to go to school with a family (wife and 4 kids).  I got a hold of him later on and told him I need to hear his story.  He told me he still lives by faith, that God is awesome to provide and gave me his e-mail.  By this time it’s 3:00 and I have to go over to the prayer room. On my way there, Maira was calling, calling and texting to call back.  When I call back, She’s crying and I’m asking what’s wrong?  She says, You have money for books!  I respond, “What do you mean?  What happened?”  She says, $700 came in the mail!  I was just floored and stunned.  God is awesome!  Now I’m just excited to face the rest of the year, knowing God didn’t bring me out here to drop me!

The Beginning

Monday, December 27, 2010:  As most of you know we moved from Conway, Arkansas to Missouri.  After a long drive, we finally arrived at the house that we told the realtor, Andre we would take.  We arrive at about 10:00pm and it is NOT what we expected.  The floors in the house we torn up, the walls had holes with poor repairs,  the vents were not covered, there were tack strips for carpet that were still installed, the bathroom had not been clean in who knows how long, and the person living previously in the house had a pet and there were clumps of animal hair everywhere.  This was NOT safe at all for the kids.  We began to feel discouraged and we prayed, “God, if this is what You have for us.  Then so be it! Just deal with our hearts because we don’t like it.” After a long discussion, and fearing, that we would not be able to get a hotel because of the conference that was going on.  We decided to spend one night.   So Ii went to get the mattresses out of the truck, while out I heard gunshots down the street.  And that was the final straw for us.  We called John to pray with us.  He suggested that we get a hotel.  He was in agreement with us.  I called and found a rooml at the Holiday Inn Express.  They gave us an executive suite for $100.  By the time we got to the hotel it was about 1:00AM.

Tuesday:  We decided to go to the Prayer to spend time with the Lord.  We needed direction!  We had to return the moving truck early Friday morning.  On our way to the prayer room, Andre called me, I told him that the house was not safe for the kids and it just wasn’t going to work.  He apologized and told me, he would keep searching.  He had no idea the house was that bad.  We arrived at the prayer room, asking God for direction.  We spent 3 hours there.  God just gave us peace and pointed out our kids to us.  Saying, Look at them and how much fun they are having.  They’re acting as if they’re on vacation.  They’re not scared because they know they’re with you.  So you do the same and know that I am with you and have fun.  After that we had peace that everything was going to be fine.  The trip turned around and became fun.  While in the prayer room, Ii get a phone call from another realtor, Donna.  She tells me she has a house for rent.  I just told her that I would talk it over with my wife before giving any answers.  We went back to the hotel and got the same room for the same rate.

Wednesday: I woke up feeling anxious.  I was anxious because it was Wednesday and I was still driving around this 26 foot diesel truck with our stuff in it (btw, there was no padlock on the truck, anyone could have taken our things while we were away).  We checked out of the hotel again and then went to check out the house and the neighborhood.  As we were checking out the house, Donna called and asked if we were interested.  I told her that yes we would like to see it.  She gave us the combination to the lock box because she would not be able to make it out to show it to us.  So we went in and the kids begin to run around the house as if they lived there.  Isaiah begins to claim his own room.  He said, “Daddy, Isaiah’s room!”  Then he went on and said, “Daddy, this house!”  He went on to pick out everyone else’s room. Btw, he picked out the room that was bigger than Lisi’s. LOL!  We called Donna and told her we would take the house.  She says, “Excellent, I just need to ask a few questions.”  She asked the typical questions like, Have you ever rented or owned a home?  Then she asked, “What kind of income do you have?” To which I said, “uhh,  yeah about that.” I explain some of the situation to her.  About how we are living by faith and so on…  She then said, “You do realize that you have to pay rent?”  I respond, “Yes, I’m aware of that.”  So she says, “ I have to get a hold of the landlord (Donna is the property manager and the landlord is a missionary in another country).  I will have to e-mail him and he won’t respond until 4 or 5 this evening because of the time difference.” Donna had run a credit check and because of the lack of income it had come back declined.   So we went back to the hotel and booked the room for another night.  We headed off to the prayer room.  I was feeling anxious because of the income issue.  While praying,I get a phone call from Donna.  She says, that the landlord is willing to take the risk and he wanted us to understand that we were responsible for all the bills. I said, I’m aware of that.  Then we went out to dinner with a friend from Jersey whom we had not seen in over 10 years.

Thursday:  We check out of the hotel, in which they only charged us $83.00 for the night.  The price for an executive suite is usually about $150 - $200.  Especially because we were there during the holiday season.  Praise God! We then go and meet with Donna at about 11:30AM.  She sits down and begins to say again, you realize you need to pay the bills right? I told her again that yes I’m aware of that.  She goes on to say, that they’ve had many people come and say that God had told them to live by faith and within short period of time, everything falls apart and the family is torn apart.  I explained to her, that I have  had an entire year to think, fast and pray about this.  This isn’t a decision I made yesterday. I told her that the month of January was taken care of.  She asks, well, how do you plan on paying for the next month? I said, you’re asking the wrong person because this is not my idea.  All I know is that this is where God has us for right now.  And if I ever have to choose between tuition or my kids, I’m choosing my kids.  She wanted to know if our church was supportive of us and I told her yes.  So she says, “It’s the landlords risk not ours.” So we signed the papers for the lease, got all the utilities transferred over to our name and we moved in.  John and Jean pulled up at the Glad Heart realty.  They told Maira, how none of the seminars being taught at the OneThing Conference appealed to them.  They were asking God then why are we here.  John says, to Maira, God told him they were here for us.  John, Jean, Nikki, and Sarah helped us move in.  Andre showed up later on that evening to help unload the heavy items.  So, we spent our first night in the new house!

Friday:  We returned the truck in the morning and spent the day unpacking.  We went to the New Year’s Eve Worship Service at the OneThing Conference.  During the service, Mike Bickle begins to speak about how they needed to raise money for the expenses of the conference.  They needed about $300,000 more.  I  just kind of tuned him out.  But when he said, we’re going to pass the buckets around. I heard God say, “take the remaining cash in your pocket and place it in the bucket.” I  had about $40 or $50  in my pocket.   I began arguing with God and told him that was for food.  God brought to memory the note I had written “what is your focus?”  And asked me, “Do you provide or do I?”  I answered, “at this point God you do.”  God responds and says, “then put the money in the bucket.” So I leans over to Maira and tell her, “ I think God wants me to put all the cash in the bucket and I don’t like it.”  Maira responds, “If that is what God is telling you to do, then do it.”  So I take the money out and didn’t wait.  I got up and put it in the bucket.  I didn’t want to sit there and think about what I was about to do.  When I sat back down, I began to cry, asking myself, “what did I just do?”  Lisi came up and asked, “Daddy k?”  She began wiping my tears with her hands.  Then she went to the diaper bag and got wipes out and climbed into my lap and wiped my tears with the wipe.  After the service was done, we went home and I just kept saying, “I did it, but I don’t like it!”

Saturday:  Waking up again saying the same thing “I did it, but I don’t like it!”  We continue unpacking.  I tell some friends about what happened the night before.  They laughed and said, "that's  funny because God told me to give you this good thing you were obedient.  They gave us a total of $200.

Sunday: …..SABBATH!!! 

Transitions

Well, our house was placed on the market for sale in October.  Eli and I spent most of the end of September, decluttering the house and getting the house projects done.  Eli had been praying as to whom to use as our realtor.  At the end of September, he felt like he needed to call Re/Max.  So, he called them and set an appointment.  The realtor, Jan Barrows came over one evening and it just so happens (Divine Connections) she is a follower of Jesus Christ.  She figured some numbers and we signed a contract.  Between October and December, things seemed to be at a standstill.  We still heard the word, “GO” within our spirits, but had no idea how that would happen.  Since September, I was no longer working and Eli was on furlough (days that you are laid off) for 2 days one week and then working a full 6 days the next week.  We had just enough each week.  Also, during the year the Lord had us specifically sowing into different people.  So, we had no savings.  We just had to rely on the Lord for this move.  So here we are waiting and waiting to see how the Lord will provide for this one.  Praying and fasting.  Fasting and praying for the Lord to move.  Praying that our house would sell so we could save some money for the move and have enough that would last us the year.  At least this is what we were praying but still saying, “However you want to do this God.  We don’t want to tie Your hands.”  

 December rolls around and we make reservations for a hotel for a week and for the moving truck.  Eli is stressing more and more about how the money was going to come.  By now, He’s only working 3 days one week still and then just a regular 40 hour week the next.  Also because, he was not going to continue on with the company, they cut his overtime and did not retro pay the raise that he would have gotten in November.  On Saturday, December 18, Eli didn’t sleep at all.  He was half-asleep and praying the whole night, “God these aren’t exactly favorable conditions that I want to leave in!  We don’t have any money for the truck or for food when we get up there!”  God responds, “Do you think that the seas were in favorable conditions when I called Peter to walk on water.”  We were one week away from December 27, which was our moving date, and nothing had happened.  We get up early the next morning for church.  We had a great time in worship.  The kids had fallen asleep during the worship and Lisi woke up during the message.  So I went out of the sanctuary and placed her in the Nursery.  I spoke with Jean a bit and then Cheryl comes and tells me that I’m wanted in the sanctuary.  I walk in the sanctuary and Eli and Isaiah are standing in front of everyone.  Pastor Tim was calling us up to pray for us and just to make it known that we were there for only one more week.  Also that Harvest Church would be collecting an offering for us to help with the moving expenses.  HOW AWESOME IS GOD!  After the church prayed,  we hugged many of our dearest friends and cried also.  We were saying good-bye to great people.  Some people placed money in our pockets as they hugged us.  We got home and I immediately called my mom with tears of joy.  I told her how God was providing the way to move to Kansas City through our church.  I had counted about $150.  When I hung up the phone, Eli is standing there with a shocked look on his face.  He was cleaning out the diaper bag and found a red envelope.  He figured it was just another Christmas card.  He opened it to see who it was from.  As he opens it, he sees $500 cash all in $100 dollar bills, no name as to who gave, just addressed to “The Morell Family” on the envelope.  I just cried as to how the Lord had begun providing.  We felt like time had stood still for so long.  That now it was just unbelievable as to how quickly He was moving.  The Lord continued to provide through our church family throughout the week.  By December 27^th, we were able to move thanks to the help of our wonderful Harvest Church Family.

FAITH

This is something God has really been working on in my life.  I don’t know why it’s so difficult for me to put my thought into words at times, so please bear with me.

Mark 4:36-41 ESV 

 36And leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was.  And other boats were with him.  37And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling.  38But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion.  And they woke him and said to him, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?”  39And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, "Peace!  Be still!”  And the wind ceased, and   there was a great calm.  40He said to them, "Why are you so afraid?  Have you still no faith?”  41And they were filled with great fear and said to one another,   "Who then is this, that even   the wind and the sea obey him?"

When Jesus calmed the storm and asked His disciples “Have you still no faith?” it spoke volumes to me.  I mean here we have the disciples who have every humanistic right to be scared and Jesus turns to them and says, “Have you still no faith?”  Or when He curses the fig tree and the disciples are shocked that it died and He turns to them and says “You of little faith.”  Almost as if He’s saying, “This should be normal to you!”  We have really domesticated our faith.  For those of us who grew up in church, we were taught to stay inside the denominational “box”, and just blend in with everyone around us.  And the new Christians, who are on fire for God, are immediately thrown into classes of how to fit in.  They are told what is and isn’t acceptable.  Then they are told to “tone it down” because they’re too extreme.

But what I want to know is how can we read the bible and NOT see the extremes?  I mean Jesus was walking on water and calls Peter out to Him.  When Peter saw the waves and started to sink, Jesus pulls him up and says “you of little faith!  Why did you doubt?”  Peter had every humanistic right to fear and doubt, but again it’s like Jesus was saying to him “What’s wrong with you?  This should be normal to you!”  We seem to have forgotten or just don’t realize that God doesn’t work according to our logic.  He will always defy our logic.  When Joshua went to war with Jericho, God told him to walk in circles around the city for seven days!  When the logical thing of the time was to get siege weapons, encamp around the city, poison the water supply and just wait for the enemy to surrender.  Not walk in circles!  Or when Peter told Jesus that they needed to pay the temple tax, Jesus didn’t give him the money, he told him to go fish.  Peter could have easily doubted and said, “Jesus, I have been a fisherman all my life and never once have I caught a fish with money in its mouth.”  But he had faith and the tax was paid.

With all this being said, I still struggle with my own faith in our current situation.  I mean; here I am 28 years old with 2 kids and a pregnant wife, and I’m about to quit a good paying job with great benefits to go to Kansas City without knowing where we’re going to live or were money is going to come from.  Even though God has confirmed and reconfirmed that this is what He wants me to do I still fear and doubt.  I have often thought, “This is crazy!  It doesn’t make sense!  I’m just going to back out!” but every time I begin to think like this God does something to get me back on track.  For example; not too long ago I was going through a moment of freaking out and I get on facebook to just distract myself and I come across Rick Pinos’ page and his post was Hebrews 10:38-39 “ 38 And, But my righteous one will live by faith.  And I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back.  39 But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.”  Talk about a smack in the face!  God knew what I needed for that moment.

Now I’m not writing this to brag about anything because I don’t have it figured out like I just said, but to encourage you.  The word of God is full of promises of how God will take care of us as long as we remember the condition He places, “…seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given you as well” ~ Matt. 6:33.  Like I said I still struggle with this, cause here I am up at 3:30 a.m. because of this praying for greater faith.  I still fear that I might be leading my family to destruction because I have every humanistic right to fear and God is screaming at me “HAVE YOU STILL NO FAITH?”

God has really used this book I’m reading called – The Barbarian Way- to show me what He expects from us through a life of faith.  In one chapter, it says, "The civilized build shelters and invite God to stay with them; barbarians move with God wherever He chooses to go.  The civilized Christian has a routine; the barbarian disciple has a mission.  The civilized believer knows the letter of the law; the barbarian disciple lives the spirit of the law.  The religiously civilized live tradition; the barbarian spirit loves challenges.  The civilized are satisfied with ritual; barbarians live and thrive in the mystical.  For the civilized disciple, religion provides stability and certainty; for the barbarian, a life in God is one of risk and mystery.”  So to truly follow God is a life of risk.  It’s not for the “civilized”.  I mean if you read the last chapter of John Jesus told Peter that if he would choose to live this life that he was going to die in a way that he wouldn’t want to.  So what makes us think that a God who chose the cross to save us and then says to follow Him would want nothing more for us than to live a mundane life in safety?  Another quote from-The Barbarian Way- is ‎"Anyone who chooses the barbarian way will learn quickly that love and sacrifice cannot be separated.  This is perhaps why so many of us who know love fear love.  We know that love is not the absence of pain.  If anything, love is the promise of pain.  No one has loved more deeply than God, Has anyone ever been more betrayed?  God would not know suffering if He did not know love.  But because He is Love, He chose to suffer on our behalf.  Without love there is no glory in suffering.  The suffering of Christ glorifies God because it elevates love.  Compelled by love, God would go where He knew suffering was certain.  Love always moves to sacrifice, which is exactly where He calls us to go.  We shouldn't be surprised, then..., that to follow Christ is to abandon the luxury of safety and security.  If we are to be like Him, we must always risk for love.  We are invited to follow Him with reckless abandon.  The call of God is more than a leap of faith; it is a life of faith.  Even when it seems beyond our abilities, we should not be surprised when God tells us to jump."  So I have to always pray for more of His love in my life.  Because without it I can’t trust-“ ...Love always trust…” 1 Cor. 13:7

So I encourage you whatever the situation is in your life, SEEK HIM OUT!  And I’ll Keep you in prayer as you keep me in prayer.

God, help me to decrease so you may increase.  Help me to be so submersed in your heart that I would no longer exist.  Amen 

written in November 2010

Eli's Root Canal Healing

Last Thursday, June 24th, Eli went to a dentist appointment for a cleaning. He went in because he had been having pain on his top right side of his mouth. He wasn't able to chew on his right side or drink anything ice cold. Eli couldn't even rinse his mouth with cold water after brushing his teeth. So he went in on Thursday and the dentist told him that he needed a root canal on one of the top right molars. We were to pay $641.00 before the procedure. The nurses made an appointment for Tuesday. Eli came home and told me the news. So we prayed. We did not have the money to pay for the root canal. We prayed that either God would provide the money or heal the tooth. Eli and I were at peace. We knew this was the next faith builder in our walk.

After the cleaning on Thursday, his right side was hurting worse than before he had gone in. On Saturday, Eli's pain began to dull. Eli began testing and eating cold things. Sunday morning, Eli brushed his teeth and rinsed with cold water. NO PAIN! He even ate ice on the right side of his mouth and he had no pain at all. After Sunday's service, Eli began to doubt the healing. He said out loud, "I don't know if I should even claim this healing because this has never happened to me before." His pain came back. So we began to continue praying. Monday, Eli told me that he felt that the Lord was telling him to go to the dentist and to ask for another x-ray. Tuesday, the dental office calls and confirms the appointment.

Eli went in and before they began to prep for the root canal, he asked them for another x-ray. The dentist took the hemostats and held the x-ray card in place and then took the x-ray. When the x-rays came back he said he couldn't see the decay because the tool was in the way. So Eli asked to take another x-ray but without the tool. The dentist told him it wouldn't do any good because the decay was still there. Eli insisted and so the dentist took an x-ray of both sides of his mouth this time. While they were waiting for the x-ray. Eli told the dentist that we were trusting in God to either provide the money or heal the tooth. The dentist became offended and said, "God CANNOT heal your tooth! Because of God did heal your tooth I need to become a Pope." Eli motioned with his hand to calm down and said to him just to wait for the x-rays. X-rays came back and the dentist looked at it and says he doesn't see any decay. But that he had the x-ray backwards. That when he found a small cavity on Eli's LEFT side. The dentist proceeds to tell Eli that he can't explain the pain on his right side that it might have been a sinus infection. Eli then tells him that he doesn't suffer from sinus infections or any kind of allergies. Plus his pain was on his RIGHT side. The dentist still insisted that he just had the x-ray backwards. The dentist begins to work on Eli's cavity. He steps out for a moment. Meanwhile the nurse comes in and says," I guess God can heal a tooth!" Eli says, "Obviously because it went from a root canal on his right molar to a cavity on his left side." The dentist comes back in and says again, " I must have had the x-ray backwards." After he was done, The dentist says, "I guess God came through for you because he healed your tooth and stopped me from making a serious mistake."

We ended up just paying $136 which we could afford. PRAISE GOD! GOD IS AWESOME! WHAT A KING OF GLORY MOMENT!

written in June 2010 

What is your focus?

I'm not exactly sure how to begin, simply because this is where GOD has me right now. So please bear with me as I try to put into words what He has been convicting me of.

As I was reading in Joshua 24, Joshua asks the people of Israel "....who will you serve..." will you serve the gods of a foreign land or the gods of the land in which you live? So the people responded with your typical Sunday school answer, "we will serve the Lord!", but Joshua told them they were unable to serve the Lord for they still had the gods of the land in their homes. The people argued," NO! We will serve the Lord!", and Joshua said fine but know this, you are your own witnesses, your own words will hold you accountable! That’s when I felt this heavy question upon my heart, What is your focus?

As I meditated on this question GOD brought back to memory of a friends testimony, of how she fell into an extremely difficult time financially. She only made enough money for rent and gas, but not enough for groceries to feed her 3 kids. The church she was in didn’t have the money to help. She prayed for the Lord to supply the money so she could buy groceries. And one day while at work someone came up to her and gave her $200,she was so excited that immediately after work she went to the store and filled the cart with exactly $200 worth of groceries. When she got on line to check out, she saw a family in the next line with just enough food for one person, and she heard GOD say to her, give your cart and the $200 to that family. She protested at first but again God said give the cart and the money to that family, so she did, and then went to her car and cried. When she got home she, of course was still crying and was angry with GOD and while she was asking GOD “why? “a friend knocked on her door and told her how he had gotten a pay raise and the Lord placed her on his heart to go and buy groceries for her, and she was blessed with more than enough food.

So then the next question was laid on my heart, “ You say GOD has supplied the money for me but then you turn around and say, I have earned my living. So which is it? Do I ( GOD ) supply or have you ( Eli ) earned it?” As I prayed God made me realize how we follow the “gods of this land”, how we follow the order man has laid. We are taught as children that we must work to pay bills and you must save any money left over. Don’t get me wrong yes it is good to pay your bills and save, but if we truly believe that God supplied the money then the first thing we should ask is, God what is your will for this money? He knows that we have bills to pay and obligations to meet, so we should trust that if He tells us to take our pay check and give it to “so’n’so” or donate it, that He will supply for us another way. He promises in Matt. 6:25-34 that if we “…seek first His kingdom and righteousness then all of these thing shall be given us.” Then earlier this week I read in Philippians 3:7-9 where Paul says, “…I count NOTHING as profit for myself, EVERYTHING is loss for the sake of Christ..” and it made me question, where is my focus? Do I have faith in Him to keep his promises? Where my whole life would reflect His love. To sacrifice everything and withhold nothing. So after reading this, are you a little uncomfortable? Because I’m extremely uncomfortable. But my prayer continues to be,” God help me to decrease so you may increase, let me be so submersed in your heart that I would no longer exist.” Amen.

written in May 2010

Mourning for Jesus

Jesus said that "....when the bridegroom is gone then they will mourn and then they will fast..." (Matt. 9:15) So how often do we fast? Do we truly long for Him? Do we mourn His absence? Because He did say " ...blessed are those who mourn..." (Matt. 5:4), and He promised a comforter (John 14:16).

Jesus also longs for us. He too, fasts for us, mourning and longing to be with us (Matt. 26:29 and Luke 22:16). So I'm forced to ask myself, " Do I long for Him the way He longs for me?" and " Do I love Him the way He Loves me?" Willing to sacrifice everything and withold nothing

Captured by Love!

This Barbaric path that the Lord has laid before us started sometime in the early Fall of 2009 for Maira.

Maira’s Account: 

Just desiring more of God and wanting things to change in life.  I was doing what I could in ministry but knew there was more.  Eli was not going to church.  He worked almost every Sunday.  Life was just dull and boring.  I do not really know when things happened.  All I remember is the Pettus’ starting showing a Friday night web stream of the Awakening Services from the International House of Prayer at our church.  I remember going by myself or with Lisi most of the time.  On one of the Friday nights in November, Wes Hall (speaker on the web stream) begins to tell everyone in the service to begin to pray for each other.  I just kept on worshipping.  God moved on one of the guys that was in the church, Bill.  He began praying for one woman who was there and afterward came and prayed for me.  I began to cry as he prayed for me.  Two words the Lord gave me through him,” Kinsman-Redeemer and the next one was “Miracles”.  After Bill prayed for me, He asked what the miracle was that I needed.  I said, “My husband, that God would do something.”  He said, he would keep him in prayer.  On Sunday, I was speaking with Jean and she asked me what I thought the miracle was.  I told her, there were so many things.  My husband, my in-laws bookstore, my dad, and the list went on and on.  My primary miracle at that moment was my husband.  I continued to seek the Lord and just draw closer.  God really began something new during this time.  He really began to woo me and capture my heart in ways that are unexplainable.  I began to seek Him more.  It was easier to read His word; I had a desire for it.  I also was praying more.  A few weeks later Jean invited our family over for Hanukah.  So we went.  I had a great time and the Lord captured my husband’s heart a few weeks later.

Eli’s Account:

Well, I was bored with church and to be honest, I had become a little cynical.  It was so predictable; we go in, sing some songs , listen to the preaching and then we would go home.  So I chose to go to work rather than go to church.  Maira was going to this Friday night thing and I had no interest in going because to me it was just another boring “church thing” and after working all week I just wanted to be left alone.  One day Maira tells me that the Pettus’ had invited us over for Hanukah.  I wasn’t too thrilled, but I did it because I knew she wanted to get out of the house.  While we were there, they began speaking about how a revival had broken out at IHOP.  I was confused, I couldn’t figure out what pancakes and God had to do with each other.  When I asked them to clarify, they looked at me as if I had three heads.  “You’ve never heard of IHOP, The International House of Prayer!” they said to me.  I said, "no", so they put the web stream on and Allen Hood was speaking about self-hatred and something about it began to tug at my heart.  I told Maira that we have to go there.  So we moved some money around and booked a hotel within a weeks’ time.   

On the way up (a 6-hour drive), I was asking God a lot of questions.  “God, where has my passion gone?  I know there has to be more than just what we are doing at church!  I grew up seeing it and experienced it myself.  So what happened?  Is this all there is for my life?  What about the words that where spoken over my life as a child?  Were they all fake?  What kind of mark will I leave after I’m gone?”  So we get there and register for the conference.  The next day we went to the prayer room and as soon as we walked in the presence of God was so thick, you could just lie down and go to sleep.  I went to the front by myself to pray and listen to the music.  While I was praying I felt like someone sat down next to me and put there arm around me (btw, I was in the row by myself) and all my questions were being answered, “you lost your passion because you conformed to your surroundings.  You tried to do it your way and in your timing.  You didn’t ask me to do it and you assumed your way was the right one.  Your right, there is more but because you allowed yourself to conform you stopped searching.  You haven’t allowed me to capture your heart.  And no, the words given were not fake, dive into me and watch.”  The voice was external but yet internal.  I was a little intimidated because even though there was compassion in the voice, there was a sound of authority.  And while all this was happening the song, “This is the Air I Breathe”  took on a whole new meaning for me because my nostrils felt as big as watermelons and my lungs as big as those black garden trash bags.  And the way it just flowed in and out of me is indescribable.  Right when the last question was answered, Maira came to me and told me that the kids needed to eat so we left.  I had not realized that about four hours had gone by.  I didn’t say anything about what happened because I was trying to process it all.  I’ve never had an experience like that before.    

The next day we went to the prophecy room.  After they gave Maira a word, they turned to me and said, “Eli God says your being like Samuel.  I keep calling you but you keep ignoring me.  The Bible says that the call of the Lord is irrevocable.  You keep trying to throw it behind you but it’s like a snowball, it just keeps getting larger.”  Well, I started to ask God how I could go into full time ministry with a family and bills.  That night we went to the conference and Mike Bickle was speaking on the love of God, and it really began to minister to me.  I don’t know why but I never realized how much God loved ME.  It all began at that point, how God loves us so much, but we just turn our backs.  We lie to Him every time we sing songs like, “I Give You My All” because we never really mean it.  It just makes us feel better and we think we made God smile when all the while He’s waiting for us to put it into action.  Thinking to myself “ok God, how do I put these words into action?”  I went up for prayer and told the usher that I think God wants me to go into full time ministry but I didn’t know how to do it with a wife and two kids and bills.  And he asked “Well, why not?”  And I said “Like I said, I have bills, a mortgage, a wife and two kids.”  He asked me “Where is your faith?  Haven’t you ever read Matthew 6, where Jesus said that He takes care of the birds and clothes the grass but we are more important?”  “I guess I need more faith.”  I said.  So he said “let’s just pray that God will increase your faith and give you guidance.”  After we prayed, I went to the rest room.   On my way back I heard God say, “You have one year.  One year to get out of debt and then you’re moving up here to go to school and going into full time ministry.”  A little stunned by the word, I went back to my seat and asked Maira what she thought of me quitting my job and going to IHOPU.  She said, “Fine.”  And I asked her again, “You heard what I said right?  I’m going to quit my job and move up here to go to school.”  She says, “Yeah I heard you, and I said ok.”   

When we got back, we went to the Pettus’ house and I began to tell them about what God had done and called us to.  I told them that I felt like God was stripping me of my identity.  I felt for so long that I was the provider and the protector, but God was saying, "No!  I am!”  John looks at me and says, "Where is your faith?  Haven’t you ever read Matthew 6?”  “Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s what they told me at the conference.”  I said.  And John replies, “Well then what’s the problem?”  So I asked them to help me pray and fast.   

The next morning when I was getting ready for work, I was praying and asking God for confirmation.  I must have put about five hundred different fleeces before God.  And He answers, “You have peace and your wife has peace, What more do you want?”  “God you sent Gideon an angel and he still put out a fleece.  God I didn’t get an angel.”  I replied.  To which God answered, “You’re not Gideon and I don’t have time to play games!”  So then I began to pray and fast because I knew that what God was calling me to do would not work if I were in the way.  It had to be God completely.  And it wasn’t long after this that the revelation of His love for me became known and all of a sudden this made perfect sense.  That to Love God with all of my heart, mind, soul, and strength would mean to sacrifice everything and withhold nothing just as God has done for us.